BDSM 101

Thanks to the highly popular Fifty Shades of Grey books and the release of the movie, BDSM has come to the forefront of society. But many still don’t really know that that lifestyle is about or what one does when they engage in BDSM activities. Here’s everything you need to know about the BDSM lifestyle!

What is it?
BDSM is an acronym of Bondage and Discipline (B&D) and Dominance and Submission (D&S) and Sadomasochism (S&M). Each one is a certain aspect of the lifestyle and deals with sexual or erotic preferences people like to engage in. As an acronym, it unites various fetishes and desires that may otherwise have completely nothing in common, but maybe that it should be performed by two consenting individuals who know what they are getting into and it must be done in a safe manner.

The B&D is about subduing your partner or disciplining them in a sexual manner. This includes placing a blindfold on your partner, using scared to tie their hands or spanking them on their butt for being naughty. Bondage uses restraints to heighten sexual pleasure, while discipline has rules or punishments to control the sexual experience. For bondage, it can be more complex than just a few scarves tied to the bed and can include contraptions built specifically for this sexual purpose like cuffs, spreader bars, breath restrictor and other things you've probably read about in the 50 Shades of Grey books.

Those who partake in D&S relationships where one person is the dominant and the other is the submissive who must do everything that the dominant says. Even if you've ever done any role play of being a naughty secretary seduced by her boss or something of the like, you've played around with some aspect of D&S. It’s a power exchange where one or both parties involved are sexually turned on by the acts (or non sexual acts) of being told what to do or bossing someone around.

Finally S&M is actually the most physical of the three and involves a bit of emotional humiliation and torture that includes things like whips and chains, bruises and welts, hard spanking and the like. This part of the lifestyle is about giving and receiving pain, which results in some kind of sexual pleasure for either party involved. You've probably engaged in a bit of S&M if you pulled someone’s hair and liked it or smacked your partner’s butt during sex.

Although these erotic preferences seem extreme, they're really not and are all totally consensual between two responsible people looking for pleasure in ways that are not traditional. And in many cases, the party has safe words just in case the situation goes too far and one person get too uncomfortable.

The books and the movie barely skim the surface of what the BDSM is all about and there is really many layers of it, which is why it’s appealing to so many people. And if you're thinking of trying something from the lifestyle or exploring it further, remember to have fun and be safe!

Love Always,

Candace Nicole